Your Forever - Part 3

And let me tell you, Grace is a good and beautiful master.

His love heals and his hope reigns. He speaks the truth and the truth is what sets you free. He gives you enough room to breathe, allowing you to stand on your own two feet. But picking you up when you fall. Again and again.

He never leaves and will never forsake you. Blessing you when you least expect it and surprising you with his forgiveness. There is no way you can escape him. But you don't need to.

Alone, you are helpless, hopeless. Weighed down by fear of past mistakes. Even in this, he will guide you. Because this is your gift -your forever. You made your choice long ago and you still deserve the consequences of your mistakes. Because Sin is an evil and disgusting master. But you no longer have to follow him. 

In Grace you are free! I would know, because so am I.

"For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."- Romans 6:14

Your Forever - Part 2

I know a secret. Listen closely and I'll tell you. 

Though Sin is your master and there is no possible way you can escape his chains on your own, there is a way. The Way. One way that changes everything. Summed up in a single, small word that means the world. That could become your new forever. 

Grace.

Amazing, surprising, irresistible Grace. Saving Grace.

Perfection paid the price that Sin was asking. Blood was shed and death was conquered to make way for life -your life. Life that is free from the disgusting evil that once held you captive. You have been given the key to your chains and it comes at no cost to you. 

You do not deserve this. You deserve what Sin offers, because you already chose that. But now you have another choice. An important one. You have the opportunity to accept a new life, to accept a new master. 

Your Forever - Part 1

Sin is an evil and disgusting master. Believe me, I would know.

His looks deceive and his voice entices. He feeds you lines you want to hear and fools even the brightest of them all with his lies. He gives you just enough room to breathe, making you think he's gone and then he takes over again. And again.

He never leaves. Following you at all times, sneaking up on you when least expected. When you think you're getting somewhere, he surprises you with new chains. There is no way you can escape him.

You are helpless, hopeless. Weighed down by fear and the looming truth that death is surely coming. But even there, he will guide you. Because this is your curse -your forever. You made your choice long ago and you deserve the consequences of your mistakes. Because Sin is an evil and disgusting master. And you... well, you follow him.

The Funnel Effect

"Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity." - Paul bragging about the Macedonian churches (2 Corinthians 8:2)

Considering all of the what ifs in life, I have never been through any trials I would dare call "severe." Not that my life has been a walk in the park -there have definitely been times when I've at least jogged- but when I look around at all the things other people deal with, I know I've been protected from a lot of pain and hardship. 

And as much as I think and worry about money, I am far from living in "extreme poverty." I am the first to admit that I don't even understand what that phrase means. While I sit here in my comfy room with all of my unnecessary books and clothing, with a newly purchased car sitting in my driveway and an almost completely paid for college degree on my wall, I am well aware that my life is more in the category of "extreme blessing." 

I've heard it said many times that because of what I have I should give -that God has given me so much so that I can give to others. It's a lot less often that I hear we should give out of what we don't have. 

Yet this is what the Macedonian church did. Their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. This church didn't have the blessing of a cushioned life like I have. They were in the midst of trouble and were deeply struggling. But when they heard of a need, they were happy to give what they could -more than what they could -to help their brothers in Christ out. 

And this church's example has me amazed these days. It has me wondering whether giving what we don't need away is really giving much at all. It has me slowly shifting my thinking. 

Rich generosity is more than an overflowing cup of blessings where I keep what's in the cup and others get the extra. Instead, it's more like a funnel where gifts flow through my life and are passed on to others. 

The Macedonians taught me that. Now I just pray that I can live it out.

You are Here

Thanks Ti.Mo!

I've always been somewhat fascinated by those mall maps that state "You are Here" in big letters with a star beside them or an arrow clearly pointing out your existence. Not over there, not that way, just here. Plain and simple. I like that feeling I get when I stand there looking at those information boards, because in that moment I have a sense of the bigger picture. Within the context of the mall, the chaotic comings and goings of busy shoppers, I know exactly where I am and why. For as long as I'm still staring at that map  I have all the facts I could ever need.

Life isn't like that.

In life, I don't have that map. I wander around wishing I did. But let's face it, I don't always know where I'm going. I don't have the big picture I wish I had or the understanding of the context in the way I want. Instead, I find myself overwhelmed by the things I don't know. How my story fits into the lives of others. Where I am in the chaotic comings and goings of a world I don't comprehend. My decisions, talents, words, and actions are one big mess of lines -unfamiliar roads in a past, present, and future of which I am mostly unaware. 

I can't always see where I'm going... I can't see where I'm going now. 

But just because I don't have that map, doesn't mean there isn't one. I don't have the satisfaction of reading those letters that spell out three very comforting words -"You are Here." But I have something better: the mapmaker lovingly whispering what I need to know into my ear. 

  

Long-Distance Jesus

At times, my relationship with God feels a lot like a long-distance one. Not in a way that makes me bitter; God is still very much a part of my everyday life. Though I can't see Him, we are close. In fact, in some ways I feel that makes our bond even closer.

But there are days, like this one, when I wish I had Jesus here in the flesh.

Days when I find myself jealous of the disciples and Biblical figures in the Gospels. While they got to hear Jesus' audible voice, I have to read His words on the pages of a book. While they got to look into His loving eyes that see their hearts, I understand the image without the physicality. And maybe most importantly, while they were able to literally hug Him, touch His robe, and feel His nail-pierced hands, I am left here with the knowledge that "feeling" doesn't always happen outwardly, no matter my longing.

I can't help it. As a human, I am somewhat constrained to the material world. I hear, see, and touch on a daily basis, whether I'm fully aware of the acts or not. And I am realizing more every day that the senses mean something -mean a lot. 

So, within this physical world I live in, I can't help but long for Jesus as a human. I cannot wait for the moment when the five senses are no longer constraints on my relationship with God. When I get to touch Jesus' human body myself. When I get to see with my own eyes the face of the One I was created in the image of. When I get to hear the words already hidden in my heart spoken by the One who said them in the first place.

It'll happen one day. One day soon. Until then, I'm glad to know that long-distance relationships don't have to be distant ones. 

How I'm Like A Horse

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a country girl. I prefer big cities and haven't ever spent much time on a farm. And if you happened to be in my beginning horsemanship class last year at Taylor when Shammy got spooked, you also know that I have personal reasons to dislike horses. Nevertheless, I have recently found myself enjoying the Canadian hit TV show, Heartland. For those of you who have never heard of it, it's a modern family drama about a teenage horse whisperer (named Amy) and her life on a ranch in Alberta. Though I mostly like it for character development purposes, I have to admit it has also piqued my interest in rodeos and the different events that take place at them.

One such event is the colt taming competition.

Basically, each competitor is given a wild colt and has a certain amount of time in a ring to tame it. They are given points for being able to saddle the horse, ride it, lead it over obstacles, etc.

When Amy attempts to tame a horse (which happens a lot in the show), she does so by making the horse run around a ring for as long as it takes before the horse decides to "join up" with her in the middle of the cirlce. Sometimes the horses are pretty stubborn and won't meet her for a while. Instead, they run around in circles, bitter that someone else wants control. Other times the horses will allow Amy to touch them, will meet her eye and sometimes even let her put a saddle on their back, but they throw her off and fight her if she gets too close or dares to try riding because of fear and distrust. It takes a lot of patience and compassion from Amy, but it is clearly a victory when she finally gets a horse to join up and partner with her.

This process fascinates me and I wasn't really sure why until the other night when I opened my Bible to Psalm 32:8-9 and read, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'" 

Though I'm not considered a "farm girl" in any sense of the term, my recent interest in Heartland, paired with these verses, made me realize that most of the time I am that senseless horse. Amy taming those stubborn, scared animals is a lot like what God wants to do for us. He calls us to "join up" with Him in the middle of the ring. He calls us to a partnership of trust and love where He'll guide us along the best pathway of life... if we let Him. My problem, like the untamed horses, is that I don't always want to give up my control. I want to go the way I want to go -do the things I want to do. And I don't fully believe that anyone could know better than I do how my life should be.

Trusting is difficult, but just as the verse says the alternative is senseless. If you aren't the horse joining up with the Master in the center of the ring, living for the exact purposes you were created for in a harmonious partnership with one who knows better than you, then you're the horse running around the circle, wasting your energy on a life that will get you nowhere, while the kind Master waits patiently for you to come back to Him.

When Following Means Staying

"Where You go, I'll go

Where You stay, I'll stay

When You move, I'll move

I will follow." - Chris Tomlin

Chris Tomlin's latest hit, "I Will Follow" has been in my head for the past few weeks for a lot of reasons.  Besides being played on the radio constantly, the theme stands out as one I know well. As a missionary kid, it just makes sense that I would resonate with the idea of going where Christ goes. After all, my family did move across the world twice for the sake of following God. I'm confident I've seen Him move in the past and that He's called and invited me into a life of stepping out in faith with Him and going wherever He wants me to. But these days, those aren't the lines in this song that really speak to me. Instead, it's the second line above that has gotten me thinking. 

Where You stay, I'll stay.

It's one thing to be the person always leaving -to say goodbye to people and places on your path because you're changing directions. I guess moving is what I'm good at. At an early age I was bit by the travel bug and the effects have been with me ever since. I like the adventure of the unknown road to newer and better things. I want to be called to action and enjoy it when I am.

The part I'm not so used to is staying put.

I've realized recently that it's ten times harder to be content and patient while staying still. Goodbyes are harder when everything has stayed the same, but you're missing someone. I'll just be honest, it's hard not to be the one taking off for a foreign country, a different mission field, or at least a new grad school campus (especially, in this economy). I'd rather be way too busy, than bored like I am here at home. I'd rather be learning in a new place, than admit I might have more to learn here where I'm comfortable. And I'd definitely rather have God tell me something specific to do, than have to be waiting around for His answers to my questions. 

But Chris Tomlin's song has reminded me that my commitment to following Christ means that sometimes I'll be staying where He stays, instead of going anywhere. And you know what? I'm beginning to be okay with that.

The Many "Me"s That Make Up My Life - Part 2

As seen below, there are many different "me"s that make up who I am. When combined you get a full picture, but otherwise you only understand a part. Lately I've been learning that we like things too separate.

Think about it for a minute. If you're like my brother, you like different types of food to be on separate plates so that they don't have to touch each other before making their way to your mouth. If you're like my sister, you'd rather not have different groups of friends over to your house for the same party, because that could get awkward. And if you're like me, you want separate sticky notes for different categories of your scribbles, even if there's room for everything on one. 

See? We like things separate. 

It's easier that way. Not too messy. Simple. 

But somehow I think that's dangerous. Don't get me wrong, being organized is a good thing! However, keeping things too separate, especially when it comes to pieces of your actual life, can be lonely. It's like making someone read a random section of your favorite book without giving them any context. That's frustrating, and to be honest, there are already too many people who will only understand one part of you anyway. 

Allow me to invite you into my room right now. I'm sitting here alone in my empty house. I'm clearly the home me on the surface. To someone looking in at the moment, I know I give a very different impression than the me inside my own head. However, take a step into my mind for a minute and you'll see that besides thinking about this blog post, I'm thinking of the many job applications I've filled out this week and the many more left to be finished (work me), I'm thinking about my visit to Taylor coming up soon and all of my friends there without me (academic me), and I'm definitely thinking about the many Slovenes I met this summer who are still moving forward towards Christ (travel me). And even though I can hide those "me"s to the outside world and look like merely home me, I can never truly separate things inside my head or heart. There, I'm always just me.   

But God didn't create us to be ourselves alone, inside our souls only to be understood by Him or ourselves. Instead, He gives us opportunities to be open with those around us and make friends who are able to see more than one of the pieces that make up who we are. True, some friends will only ever really see or understand one part of us, and that's okay. However, those who see, understand, and relate to more than one "me" are the ones you really want to keep around.

Because some things need to be separate (like doodles versus lists on sticky notes). But others are better understood when all together. 

The Many "Me"s That Make Up My Life - Part 1

My life at any given moment is a series of sections; small pieces of me that make up what I do, what I think, and essentially who I am. 

There is home me who is an older sister and daughter. The one whose room is in the basement, who always has a book in her hand, and who is known to spit soup out of her mouth from laughing too hard at the dinner table on occasion. This me is independent, a little stir crazy, and either too relaxed or just bored most of the time. The one who is uncomfortably comfortable with being selfish. She struggles to be content, but is also super grateful for the security, warmth, and consistency of home. 

There’s academic me. The one who knows what’s expected and is capable of pulling her weight. She likes studying, though she may complain, because she’s an idea person who likes hearing new things, thinking them through, and discussing them with peers. This me is responsible for the most part, but is smart enough to pair hard work with lots of fun. Not normally too stressed out, she enjoys the craziness of an ever changing dorm and plenty of friends. This is the me who is social, likes to write, and stays up way too late. She tries not to get overly obsessed with grades or competition and most of the time succeeds.

Then there is work me. Not super experienced, but a fast learner and consistent. This me tries hard to fit in and act professional, but feels like she’s playing a little girl’s pretend game of “Real World.” She is known as detail oriented and thorough, quiet but pleasant, and is always willing to do what’s asked of her. This me sometimes knows exactly what she wants and how to get it and at other times has no clue what she’s doing.  She has to push herself to take initiative, but she’s usually up to the challenge. And though she likes working by herself, she is also more than willing to be a team player. Reading people well, getting along with them, and being easy going but organized makes people notice….sometimes.

And of course there’s travel me. Maybe the most content of them all, this me breathes easy, trusts a map, but enjoys adventure. She is the experienced one, the missionary kid with a fresh perspective on life and a smile on her face. This me absolutely hates when ignorant people joke about different races and nationalities, she is proud to be Canadian, and thinks that newspapers are too biased to give an accurate picture of what goes on in the world. She keeps track of license plates from different states on road trips, feels at home when on the move, and loves learning about different cultures. She’s been to a lot of places and can picture herself in many more. And somehow people on the other side of the world have captured her heart.

These are only some of the many “me”s that make up my life at this moment. What do your “me”s look like? More to come on this soon.

Spring Break 2010

Paradise is out there...

"Rejoice that your names are written in heaven." - Luke 10:20

I Am Fully Convinced...

I am fully convinced that life is all about relationships. Life is making a stranger’s day by simply offering a smile. It is sitting beside a mother and her crying baby on an airplane and helping an old lady with her grocery bag on the way home from school. It’s waving to neighbors, talking to someone new at work, and watching two kids play in the park.

Life is all about relationships and what you choose to do with them. It’s lying on a bed beside your best friend, chatting until you lose track of time and not caring about sleep. It is swinging next to someone, feeling the air beneath your feet as you both float through the days. It is the people you laugh the hardest with and the ones you allow to see your deepest pain.

Life is all about relationships, what you choose to do with them, and how they shape you. It is being a witness to the change inside others, noticing the little things that make them unique. It is being willing to take chances, say hard things, and be present in good times and bad. And it is always working at being better. 

Comfort and Joy

I've heard a lot about comfort and joy recently. After all, it is that time of year.

But, as I've stood in candlelight services and sung Christmas carols with family and friends I've been aware of the irony. Though we sing about bright lights and silent babies, I can't get out of my mind the facts of the biblical Christmas story. For it seems, we've strayed quite a bit from what actually happened.


For one thing, Mary, Joseph, and those poor shepherds must have been really freaked out what with angel visitations, strange dreams/prophesies, and signs that a baby was on its way. I know the angel said "Have no fear," but really? How would you react when some man appears to you out of nowhere?


And no room in the inn has become nothing more than a cute saying to us. Though I'm sure at the time not having a place to stay while Mary was bursting at the seams ready to give birth would have been stressful. Animals and a manger may make nice nativity scenes for us to sell in stores and put in our front yards, but a stable is really no place for a newborn baby. Just think about what it must have smelled like!


Christmas comes with lots of talk about peace on Earth and joy to all men, but what has hit me hard this year is this:


In order for us to have comfort, and the entire reason we can talk seriously about those themes, is because Jesus was willing to sacrifice His own comfort. Of course He was a special child, but He grew up knowing His purpose was to die.


And with that knowledge He was born into discomfort, cried as a baby, and took the weight of the world on His shoulders.


Peace on Earth?
Yeah, there will be.

She Took Some and Ate It... and Will Again

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -this I keep on doing." - Paul, Romans 7:15, 17-19


Just as Paul says, I'm conflicted. On a daily basis I see two laws at work. The law of sin and God's law are constantly waging war against my soul. My heart and head both know what's right, but over and over again I reach out and pick the fruit. That stupid forbidden fruit that floods my life with a bitter taste. Yet I take the bite, and tomorrow I'll take another. The poison is now so deeply rooted in my being that it continues to spread. Quickly. When I am surrounded by a garden of plenty, I still want more. When the One I trust most says no, I still say yes. And this is my strongest fear, my greatest pain: that I would know the truth, but live a lie. Owning the key to freedom, but staying comfortably in my prison.


Until the day I rot.

Who Is Your Neighbor?

I am the human waking up each morning in a house just like yours. I am the baby crying in the stroller you passed on the sidewalk. I am the restless teenager searching for meaning and the teacher attempting to open eyes. I’m the tired and the dreaming, the lazy and the bored. I am the one working hard to get what I want -money, attention, power. I am the longing. The single mom living in constant chaos. The soldier risking life in a far off land. The business man sitting in an office day in and day out. I am the poor, the oppressed, the rich, and greedy. I am the man you pass by every day without noticing. The struggling artist settling for quantity instead of quality. I am the quiet and the humble, the bold and outspoken. I am the sick. I am the girl walking your campus halls alone. The guy you think has it all together. I am the loving and the unloved. The peaceful and the impatient. I am one who thinks I’m not enough. I am the broken. The sinful.

And yet... I'm the one He loves. The created being. The unique, blameless, and blessed. I am the cared for and the righteous. He died for me.

Who is your neighbor? I am.

Thoughts on Images

"Not my idea of God, but God. Not my idea of H., but H. Yes, and also not my idea of my neighbor, but my neighbor. For don't we often make this mistake as regards people who are still alive -who are with us in the same room? Talking and acting not to the man himself but to the picture -almost the precis- we've made of him in our own minds? And he has to depart from it pretty widely before we even notice the fact. In real life -that's one way it differs from novels- his words and acts are, if we observe closely, hardly ever quite 'in character,' that is, in what we call his character. There's always a card in his hand we didn't know about." - A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis
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Is it possible to miss someone more when they are right beside you than when they’re gone? When they are exactly where you’ve wished for them to be for so long, but something’s missing. When you’re close enough, you could reach out and touch them, but you don’t. And the words you’ve recited over and over again in your mind won’t come. Is it possible to long so deeply for closeness with someone that you will always be disappointed with your actual distance? When no one lives up to the standards in your dreams and all that you find when you look around are broken images.
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"Everyone is senseless and without knowledge; every goldsmith is shamed by his idols. His images are a fraud; they have no breath in them." - Jeremiah 10:14 (NIV)
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This summer I went to a dance show at Millennium Park in Chicago. The dancers were amazing artists who performed well and were a pleasure to watch. I sat with my mom and sister in one of the front rows, but when we got up to leave a bit early, something caught my attention: a huge crowd of people were sitting in front of the large screen set up for people to see better from a distance. However, these people were not far from the actual stage, in fact turning their heads a little to the left would have given them a great view. Instead of enjoying the real thing, these fans preferred mere images.
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"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation." - Colossians 1:15 (NIV)
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We have seen the true Image, why settle for worshipping anything less?

Thoughts on Talent and Passion

Yesterday I watched a pair of my favorite dancers on the show "So You Think You Can Dance" perform an amazing contemporary piece that portrayed a love story between two friends. By the end, the judges and performers had tears in their eyes, the crowd was going wild, and I could not help but smile.

A few minutes later, I excitedly told a friend of mine about the dance. But, unlike me she wasn't too thrilled. Instead, she asked, "Why do you even get so excited about this? I don't see what the big deal is."

Her question got me thinking. Why do I love shows like this as much as I do? Why am I completely content when I see performances like this one?

Well, after much contemplation I think I've figured it out. There is a joy that wells up inside of me every time I see something like the dance last night for three main reasons.

1) I love to see people using their gifts and talents.

I can't remember a time when I didn't love this. Whether it's in the realm of art, sports, leadership or something completely different, I have always been fascinated by the variety of talent God has given people. I'm continually amazed at everything humans are capable of doing as creatures of a creative God.

2) I love to see people producing quality work.

Using the gifts you've been given is great, but what's even better is when people are using their gifts to produce quality. In our consumer culture, it's really easy to settle for mediocrity because we want things now. However, quality work is what really speaks to people. And taking this one step farther, for us as Christians, quality is what God expects of us. We are to do everything as though doing it for Him. With this in mind, I get excited when I see people living up to their potential.

3) I love to see people passionate about something.

This gets to the tears of last night. When people care about what they are doing, it shows. And more than that, their passion is contagious. I can't dance for the life of me. I don't know all of the technical terms and can't even always tell whether someone is on beat or not. But I can tell when they love what they're doing. Last night, the dancers cared. Because they cared, the judges and the crowd cared. And because of all of that, I, sitting at home on a comfy chair, cared.

For these three reasons, I enjoyed the dance last night. I can now explain to my friend why I think TV shows like "So You Think You Can Dance" matter. But more than that, I hope this challenges you to use your God-given gifts and passions. Dream big, work hard, and be the best you can be -at whatever it is you do.