If You Were My Happy

Sorry about not posting anything recently. I'll blog sometime soon, I promise. Until then, here's an old poem I wrote. Enjoy!


If you were my king
And I was your queen
We could be happy
Just do as we please
All of the world
Would be ours to hold
Best of all
We'd never be alone

You'd be the moon in the night
And I'd be the stars
We'd be shining so bright
As we drifted afar
I'd be the ocean
You'd be my shore
With the tide coming in
We'd be hard to ignore

And I'd be the gold
At the end of your rainbow
You'd be the horizon
Down my country road
Together we'd make
The perfect picture
Hanging forever
On the wall in our home

If you were my king
And I was queen
We could be
          Happy...
                         Happy

Favorite Music Videos of the Moment

Bethany Joy is still one of my favorites. Wish she had a whole album out.

This is adorable!

If you haven't heard of The Civil Wars yet, you're in for a treat.

Travel Tip #961 - Giants

"my problem

my giant

just won't keep quiet

she's first thing every morning

to the last thing I hear every night

but she can't be completely indestructible

I only wish I could see how to defeat 

my giant" 

- Stephanie Smith 

There's a song I really like called "My Giant" (I would post a link of the song here, but it is no where to be found on youtube) which I discovered by watching one of my favorite movies in the world, Pride and Prejudice: A Latter Day Comedy (that's right, it's the modern mormon version that no one has heard of!) Totally worth it, trust me! Anyways, the song's chorus posted above always makes me stop and think about all the different giants we meet on the road to just about anywhere.

They show up and they are BIG!

I posted about storms last time, which may seem kind of the same as giants. But the hard thing about giants, unlike storms, are that they move, they think, and they purposefully choose to be against us. Giants stand up and shout, "Fe Fi Fo Fum" or "Who will dare to fight me?"  They are proud, terrifying beasts that we allow to manipulate us, lie to us, and flat out scare us. Giants are the bullies of the journey -the crazy bosses, the abusive parents, the backstabbing friends, and the selfish spouses. They are the relationship problems that come with being human. They aren't the mountains we climb or the blizzards we get through, instead they are the enemies we have to deal with or the unhealthy fears and habits we must destroy. 

And giants seem indestructible. That's why they are giants and we are not. Because we, being the short little guys, tend to feel intimidated. There's no easy way to fight a giant in life. Basically, you just have to put your armor on, have friends to encourage you along the way, and have the faith that no giant is completely indestructible.

They may not all fall the way Goliath did, but all giants can be defeated with the right stone.

My Word -Fiducia

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 

for I have put my trust in you. 

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I entrust my life. 

- Psalm 143:8

Maybe you’re a woman in search of her word. - Eat, Pray, Love

In the movie Eat, Pray, Love the Italians play a game with Liz (aka Julia Roberts) where they name a city and say a word that goes with it. This quickly transitions into talk about people’s words -the idea that everyone has a word in life, one that envelops their essence, meaning, or purpose. After saying her word is “writer,” the friends argue around the dinner table that writing is merely something Liz does, not who she is. Thus, it is declared that Liz is in search of her word. And it is not until much later in the movie, that she realizes what this word might be.

For those of you who are now curious, Liz says her word is “attraversiamo” which is Italian for “Let’s cross over.” Hearing this, got me wondering about what my word might be. Though I don’t know much about the Italian language, I do know it sounds cooler than English, so I did some research and came up with this: “fiducia.” It’s an Italian word for trust, dependence, or reliance, having the same root word as the verb “to owe”, because I want my word in life to mean “I put my trust in you.”

I don’t know why, but I’ve always struggled with trusting. I’ve been given so many amazing people in my life to encourage me to trust, that it hardly makes sense that I would have trouble. But I do. If I’m completely honest, I’m always afraid that people will somehow betray me -that they’ll leave. And that translates into fear of an even greater proportion -that one day God will leave me. That one day His love will no longer be everlasting, His forgiveness will no longer be free, and His plan for my life will no longer be one of hope and a future.

Yet God has been faithful when I have not.

Through many opportunities in life to trust, trust, and trust some more I’ve learned how to put my trust in the right things, the right people, and specifically, the One being who will never betray me. And I’ve learned that this act of depending on something outside one’s self; of owing someone; of confessing, completely surrendering, and believing wholeheartedly is more than worth it.

It’s so worth it, that even just the word trust is important enough to base my life around.

Fiducia is my word. What’s yours?

Erase the Grey

I decided to sit down and write a song today because sometimes I wish I was a musician. Don't ask me to sing this to you, but here's what came out :)

Verse One
Life is full of color
That's what they say
But some weeks I
Can't see more than grey
Black and white
Has taken the place
Of anything extraordinary

Pre-chorus
I'm dying inside
Surrounded by the rain
Don't know if I'll ever
See clearly again

Chorus
I'm longing for someone
To take away this ache
I'm looking for a way
To break through this pain
I'm hoping, I'm praying
There's a reason for this day
And that's when You
Erase the grey

Verse Two
Clouds come and go
They never stay
When I've got You
Blowing them away
My heart is whole
The world is okay
Back to extraordinary

Because I Want to Be A Secret Connoisseur Too

"Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of 'last looks'. You know the way people look at you when they believe it's for the last time? I've started collecting these looks."
 - Drew Baylor (aka Orlando Bloom) in "Elizabethtown"

(Love this movie! Here's a pic from my favorite scene.)

This quote came to mind today. Maybe only because in a moment of boredom, while riding a bus, I decided it was about time for me to watch that movie again. But also, it came to mind because I've seen these 'last looks' a lot recently -at graduation from Taylor, in Slovenia this summer, and even today when saying goodbye to close friends not knowing exactly how long we were saying goodbye for. My life, much like Drew's, could be summed up by the many last looks I've given and received throughout the years. 


But looks like that can kill. Last looks rip a piece of your heart out, never to give it back. They are sharp, scary glances that last a little too long, or maybe don't last long enough. 


And as I sat on the bus thinking through all of these last looks I've collected over time, I realized something -I don't want to be a secret connoisseur of last looks. Instead, I want to collect 'first looks'.  


Because unlike last looks, first looks are hopeful. Instead of causing pain, they glimmer with potential. Like when a perfect stranger takes notice of you for the first time and you see, as your eyes meet theirs, that there is possibility there. Or when you wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, and see the first human you make contact with that day and you know, even through the drowsy eyes and yawns, that this person loves you. And definitely when you say hello in person to a well-known friend for the first time in months and see that excitement that isn't there in a mere email or skype chat. 


So, I've made up my mind. I could be a secret connoisseur of last looks like Drew. But first looks are more worthy of a collection.

Life in the Corridor

Life right now is like an endless corridor.
On either side of me, as I walk down it,
There are rows of doors, doors, and more doors.
I grab a door knob, turn, and find that the door is locked.
I try another,
And it opens.
So I walk through only to find another door.
I open that one and find one more door.
I continue opening doors until I open one to find
A big, daunting door that's clearly locked.
Tightly chained.
Bolted shut.
No key to be found.
With a sign that says something like,
"Turn around" or "Not this one -nice try though!"
So I find myself back at the corridor
Trying more doors,
No end in sight.
But I know that there
Must be light
At the end of the corridor,
Though I can't always see it.
And I hold onto this hope:
That someday,
Somehow,
I will open one of those doors
And find what I've been waiting for.
And that will make it all
Worth the effort.

How I'm Like A Horse

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a country girl. I prefer big cities and haven't ever spent much time on a farm. And if you happened to be in my beginning horsemanship class last year at Taylor when Shammy got spooked, you also know that I have personal reasons to dislike horses. Nevertheless, I have recently found myself enjoying the Canadian hit TV show, Heartland. For those of you who have never heard of it, it's a modern family drama about a teenage horse whisperer (named Amy) and her life on a ranch in Alberta. Though I mostly like it for character development purposes, I have to admit it has also piqued my interest in rodeos and the different events that take place at them.

One such event is the colt taming competition.

Basically, each competitor is given a wild colt and has a certain amount of time in a ring to tame it. They are given points for being able to saddle the horse, ride it, lead it over obstacles, etc.

When Amy attempts to tame a horse (which happens a lot in the show), she does so by making the horse run around a ring for as long as it takes before the horse decides to "join up" with her in the middle of the cirlce. Sometimes the horses are pretty stubborn and won't meet her for a while. Instead, they run around in circles, bitter that someone else wants control. Other times the horses will allow Amy to touch them, will meet her eye and sometimes even let her put a saddle on their back, but they throw her off and fight her if she gets too close or dares to try riding because of fear and distrust. It takes a lot of patience and compassion from Amy, but it is clearly a victory when she finally gets a horse to join up and partner with her.

This process fascinates me and I wasn't really sure why until the other night when I opened my Bible to Psalm 32:8-9 and read, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'" 

Though I'm not considered a "farm girl" in any sense of the term, my recent interest in Heartland, paired with these verses, made me realize that most of the time I am that senseless horse. Amy taming those stubborn, scared animals is a lot like what God wants to do for us. He calls us to "join up" with Him in the middle of the ring. He calls us to a partnership of trust and love where He'll guide us along the best pathway of life... if we let Him. My problem, like the untamed horses, is that I don't always want to give up my control. I want to go the way I want to go -do the things I want to do. And I don't fully believe that anyone could know better than I do how my life should be.

Trusting is difficult, but just as the verse says the alternative is senseless. If you aren't the horse joining up with the Master in the center of the ring, living for the exact purposes you were created for in a harmonious partnership with one who knows better than you, then you're the horse running around the circle, wasting your energy on a life that will get you nowhere, while the kind Master waits patiently for you to come back to Him.

Ocean Blues

If I could drink the ocean
And paint the whole world blue
Swimming every day away
I'd still miss you

If I could sail the globe
And always feel free
Floating past my worries
I wouldn't be happy

All the water on the planet
Would never be enough
To drown my hope of being
Just the two of us

So if I could drink the ocean
And paint the whole world blue
I would still be nothing
If I didn't have you

Materialism

In Zambia,
I looked
And saw
Bloated bellies,
Nakedness,
Empty eyes,
And hollowed hearts
-A lack of
Something.

In America,
I looked
And saw
Broadened bellies,
Promiscuity,
Envious eyes,
And heavy hearts
-Too much of
That same Something.

10 Movies that Mean Something

Over the past few weeks I have had more time on my hands than normal. This, of course, means that I have had the wonderful, relaxing priviledge of sitting for hours in front of the TV. So, it's only fitting that my next list should be about movies. Here are 10 that I have enjoyed, learned from, and replayed throughout the years:

~ (500) Days of Summer: Okay, so this is a new movie, which I've only seen once, but I loved it. The soundtrack, the skipping around of days, the witty dialogue all make this one I want to buy.

~ Elizabethtown: This may just be my ultimate favorite. I saw it for the first time this summer (I have no clue where I was when it really came out!) and watched it for a second time right after. It's kind of long, but so worth the watch. It has the best road trip scenes I have ever come across and there are tons of quotable parts!

~ Paycheck: My favorite action movie. It's easy enough to understand, invites you to figure things out along with the main character, and is not only about blowing things up, though there is that too.

~ The Dust Factory: This one is not as well known as most on this list. Plus, I've tried watching it with some of my friends and none of them understand my interest. I do admit, it's somewhat strange, but includes intriguing thoughts on Heaven and Hell and will definitely spur discussion.

~ Dan in Real Life: The most real romantic comedy I have ever seen. Steve Carell is hilarious in a much more subtle way than we're used to seeing him.

~ The Village: Utopian societies always peak my interest. Enough said...

~ Pride and Prejudice (the 5 hour BBC version): This had to be on the list. I don't think I could be considered a true reader, let alone a girl, if I didn't love this. I've only seen it once, but give me a bit of credit because I saw it in England. It's great how closely it sticks to the book and of course includes the wonderful wit of Darcy and Elizabeth.

~ Pride and Prejudice -A latter day comedy (the mormon version): Thanks to my roommate who has this on her favorites list, now I do too. The story is familiar but with a twist. It is a low budget film, but is high in quality.

~ That Thing You Do: If you haven't seen this, shame on you! It's classic. The music, the cast, the Oneders, the whole thing is a blast from the past, in the good way.

~ Red Eye: Creepy psychological thriller that's almost all talk and not action. I love how even when confined to two seats on an airplane, the dialogue can still completely scare you. The acting is great and the script reveals just how powerful words can be.

What movies are on your list?

Oxford

I'm in love with a place
That isn't here
Somewhere far away
Distant and surreal
With pastel buildings
And spires made of dreams
I long with a passion
To be back in this scene
The miles of cobblestone
Layers of fog
The details on gateways
And swans at the pond
The cheese and the chocolate
And thinkers of old
I'm in love with this city
Far away down the road

Mist

On the road you travel

There will sometimes be mist

One minute you can see clearly

The next all certainty is gone

The fog gets thick

And you can no longer see

More than two steps

In front of you

You cautiously follow

What you hope you will find

After the next step

One foot in front of the other

Until it is suddenly clear again

10 Books That Mean Something

A while ago I wrote a post about songs that mean something to me. I think it's about time for another list like that, so here are my thoughts on 10 books.

~"Here's to Hindsight" by Tara Leigh Cobble: This memoir really came out of nowhere. Although Cobble is a pretty well-known Christian singer/songwriter, I had never heard of the book. It actually just happened to catch my eye one day at the bookstore and I ended up buying it. The easy-going conversation feel to each page caught my interest instantly and I could relate to the stories and lessons Tara shares. It has become one of my favorites that I would (and do) gladly share with friends.


~"Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck: I've said this before and I'll say it again: I never knew that sounding manly and poetic at the same time was possible, but Steinbeck proves it is. I'm a big fan as I could pretty much love anything he's written.


~"Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" by Ann Brashares: Cheesy, I know, but I can't help but love this series. Brashares captures the heart of friendship and creates characters who are well-developed and easy to love.


~"Boy in the Striped Pajamas" by John Boyne: I can't say too much about the plot line since it's better if you don't know before you start reading this. So, all I will say is that it got me thinking about an old topic in a new way. The ending is amazing and even though I never cry while reading, this book made me tear up.


~"The Giver" by Louis Lowery: Best utopian novel I've ever read! It kept me guessing and turning pages. Plus, it's kid friendly : )


~"Perelandra" by C.S. Lewis: As Lewis is one of the greatest Christian thinkers of all time, it's difficult to choose just one book of his to put on this list. However, this is the one I'd have to say right now. Though I hated "Out of the Silent Planet," the first in this science trilogy, this one is amazing. The reason I know this: I read it over half a year ago and I still think about it on a daily basis.


~"Nocturne" by Adam Rapp: A play that was pretty much the highlight of my summer. It's a sad story and not really that strong plot-wise, but I absolutely loved Rapp's writing. This is a man who understands the power of words.


~"Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson: Not a book I necessarily recommend because of its subject, but it was a well-written, haunting story that has stuck with me.


~"Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott: Best book on writing I've ever read, and believe me, I've read quite a few!


~"Blue Like Jazz" (and really any other book) by Donald Miller: He is a conversationalist who I honestly feel like I know. Miller makes difficult topics seem simple and says simple things in deep ways. Definitely worth your time, even when you don't agree with everything!


There's my list. What books are on yours?

How the Mighty Have Fallen

How the mighty have fallen In this age of relativity
On the battlegrounds of laziness
The careless have won
With an air of tolerance
The ignorant make peace
Believing in almost anything
While the fearful and weak
Spew their unlawful lies
At anyone who listens
And the innocent fight
Though not as they seem
Digging whitewashed tombs
In seas of green
Scorned by the shrill,
The grand, and the wise
Are those who seek attention
In another's eyes
Here's to the death
Of truth, love; God
Such a year when
The mighty have fallen

10 Songs That Mean Something

Okay, so it's about time for another list. Since music has been on my mind recently, here are 10 songs that mean something to me (in no particular order).

~ "Plain" by Zoegirl: A good reminder about beauty and self image from my first favorite band ever.


~ "Whenever You Remember" by Carrie Underwood: Here's to my childhood memories and the friends of my past. It was fun while it lasted!


~ "Looking for the Holes" by Ani DiFranco: The perfect inspiration to get off the couch and do something from a poet I admire.


~ "You Found Me" by The Fray: An overplayed plea for help that still puts a smile on my face every time I hear it.


~ "Think of You" by A Fine Frenzy: The song for those in my thoughts, miles away.


~ "A Movie Script Ending" by Death Cab for Cutie: Great road trip song, enough said.


~ "Season" by Jenny and Tyler: Sung by two truly genuine artists who don't get the credit they deserve.


~ "Instead of a Show" by Jon Foreman: I love how Foreman's lyrics come right from Scripture. And this song sums up what I feel about the church most of the time these days.


~ "For My Love" by Bethany Dillon: One of the most honest love songs I've ever heard. Plus, I had to have Bethany on this list for old time's sake.


~ "Thinking Over" by Dana Glover: I've never been in love, but when I am I imagine my thought process will go something like this. It's how I already make all of my other decisions.


So, there you have it. Now I'd like to hear your list.


*Disclaimer: Music is such a huge and influential part of life, we don't always even realize what a major role it plays. Because this is so true in my own life, I had trouble picking only ten songs and there are many more that could be added to this list.*

To the Ones Left Behind

Breathing in

Shapes of you

To fill my empty soul

I love, I long

To cover up

This now familiar hole

The Power of You and Me

Verse: When the sky is so blue
You can almost see through it
To reach the stars
And the air is so clear
I can feel you near me
You're not that far
That far


Chorus:
Though we're miles apart
Today you'll stay
Right here
In my heart


Verse:
Funny how it goes
The waves ebb and flow down
To the sea
And the mountains are bold
As we grow older
You're still with me
With me


Bridge:
Rainbows may fall
The earth could stand still
The oceans and valleys
Fight as they will
Distance can call all it wants
But nothing can ever stop
The power of you and me


*Written as a song. Sorry the tune's only in my head : )

Thoughts on Talent and Passion

Yesterday I watched a pair of my favorite dancers on the show "So You Think You Can Dance" perform an amazing contemporary piece that portrayed a love story between two friends. By the end, the judges and performers had tears in their eyes, the crowd was going wild, and I could not help but smile.

A few minutes later, I excitedly told a friend of mine about the dance. But, unlike me she wasn't too thrilled. Instead, she asked, "Why do you even get so excited about this? I don't see what the big deal is."

Her question got me thinking. Why do I love shows like this as much as I do? Why am I completely content when I see performances like this one?

Well, after much contemplation I think I've figured it out. There is a joy that wells up inside of me every time I see something like the dance last night for three main reasons.

1) I love to see people using their gifts and talents.

I can't remember a time when I didn't love this. Whether it's in the realm of art, sports, leadership or something completely different, I have always been fascinated by the variety of talent God has given people. I'm continually amazed at everything humans are capable of doing as creatures of a creative God.

2) I love to see people producing quality work.

Using the gifts you've been given is great, but what's even better is when people are using their gifts to produce quality. In our consumer culture, it's really easy to settle for mediocrity because we want things now. However, quality work is what really speaks to people. And taking this one step farther, for us as Christians, quality is what God expects of us. We are to do everything as though doing it for Him. With this in mind, I get excited when I see people living up to their potential.

3) I love to see people passionate about something.

This gets to the tears of last night. When people care about what they are doing, it shows. And more than that, their passion is contagious. I can't dance for the life of me. I don't know all of the technical terms and can't even always tell whether someone is on beat or not. But I can tell when they love what they're doing. Last night, the dancers cared. Because they cared, the judges and the crowd cared. And because of all of that, I, sitting at home on a comfy chair, cared.

For these three reasons, I enjoyed the dance last night. I can now explain to my friend why I think TV shows like "So You Think You Can Dance" matter. But more than that, I hope this challenges you to use your God-given gifts and passions. Dream big, work hard, and be the best you can be -at whatever it is you do.

The Pilgrim's Journey

(Thanks to Brad and Katie for the picture)

Carry your chains
Go on, my friend
Up the mountain
Of hardship and pain
Trek on, my friend
Through the dead valleys
The forests and the rain
I know the burden’s heavy
And the road will not be straight
But continue up the mountain
And I’m sure you’ll find your way

Carry your chains
Walk on, my friend
To the city
Of promise and gold
Press on, my friend
For longer still
Doing as you’re told
I know the world will argue
And at times you will grow faint
But continue to the city
And I’ll meet you at the gate