My 2010 Was...

~ Playing Quelf and laughing harder than ever until 3 in the morning to begin the new year
~ J-Term roadtrips, hair dying, and some learning too with 1WO and my sis
~ An ongoing Fluxx tournament (best card game ever!) with Hannah
~ A playlist of B.o.B, Joshua Radin, Broken Bells, IYAZ, He is We, The Civil Wars, and Taylor Swift
~ Midnight chats with God in the prayer chapel, walks around the loop, and dreams of the future
~ A week in paradise with the family, wishing I had the life of a surfer
~ Listening to awesome sermons at Exit and wanting to take that church with me back to Illinois
~ Exploring more of the passions and gifts I've been given
~ Watching Grayson Chance, Ellen, and auto-tuned videos on YouTube
~ Being intentional about friendships, building them up before leaving school
~ Birthday dinners, forming nicknames, suffering in French, movie nights, Grille meals, bike rides, Walmart runs, hallway discos, "studying" in Upland
~ Graduating from Taylor with a BA in writing and a minor in psych
~ Turning 22 -no question I'm an adult now!
~ sLOVEnia - teaching English, building relationships, and seeing the Holy Spirit work
~ Obsessing over Lost's final season, Chuck, and a bit of Heartland
~ Getting good at the application process
~ Seeing Canada's parliament buildings in person finally
~ Eating my first lobster meal ever
~ Discovering pomegranates and loving them (weird, alien fruit)
~ Waiting, waiting, and more waiting 
~ Buying my first pair of skinny jeans
~ Babysitting as much as possible
~ Dealing with long-distances through many visits, phone conversations, skype calls, facebook chats, and the occasional sent package
~ Reading My Generation by Josh Riebock, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, and a bunch of books by Henri Nouwen
~ Checking my blog's stats way too often
~ Getting a Wii for Christmas :)
~ Celebrating the holidays with family in Canada
~ Toasting in the next year with my sister, Anderson Cooper, and Pink's "Raise Your Glass" song

My 2011 is... yet to be determined. 

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been thinking about the magic of Christmas this year. I'm sure many people write you regarding this very topic all the time, but please take off your boots, grab some of your wife's famous hot chocolate, and bear with me for a few minutes, because I've come to a realization.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but Christmas is not about the North Pole's holiday cheer and fantasies. Being as wise a guy as I know you are, you've probably known this for quite some time. I guess it's me who took a little longer to figure out the real magic of Christmas.

You see, I was never a kid who really believed in you. Sure, I would pretend every once in a while, but I always knew deep down that it was all just that -pretend. And since growing older, I've felt that Christmas has lost it's magic altogether. It comes and goes; a day with a lot more build-up than seems necessary and not much of a climax (much like high school prom). I don't mean to sound like the Grinch, but that's how I've felt.

This year, however, I'm determined to remember what I've really known all along -though Christmas is not about elves, flying reindeer, or even jolly old you, that doesn't mean it's not magical.

Peace on earth may sound like a stretch in our society, but Christmas is still about miracles. All because one ordinary day long ago, something extra-ordinary happened: God came to earth as a baby. The star shone, the angels sang, and the best gift ever was given to an undeserving, but very needy, world. That gift was given to me.

So, thank you Santa, for keeping magic alive. Though you are far from the reason for the season, you do help put the wonder and awe into Christmas -feelings that really do deserve to be there.

Merry Christmas,
Amy 

Erase the Grey

I decided to sit down and write a song today because sometimes I wish I was a musician. Don't ask me to sing this to you, but here's what came out :)

Verse One
Life is full of color
That's what they say
But some weeks I
Can't see more than grey
Black and white
Has taken the place
Of anything extraordinary

Pre-chorus
I'm dying inside
Surrounded by the rain
Don't know if I'll ever
See clearly again

Chorus
I'm longing for someone
To take away this ache
I'm looking for a way
To break through this pain
I'm hoping, I'm praying
There's a reason for this day
And that's when You
Erase the grey

Verse Two
Clouds come and go
They never stay
When I've got You
Blowing them away
My heart is whole
The world is okay
Back to extraordinary

Long-Distance Jesus

At times, my relationship with God feels a lot like a long-distance one. Not in a way that makes me bitter; God is still very much a part of my everyday life. Though I can't see Him, we are close. In fact, in some ways I feel that makes our bond even closer.

But there are days, like this one, when I wish I had Jesus here in the flesh.

Days when I find myself jealous of the disciples and Biblical figures in the Gospels. While they got to hear Jesus' audible voice, I have to read His words on the pages of a book. While they got to look into His loving eyes that see their hearts, I understand the image without the physicality. And maybe most importantly, while they were able to literally hug Him, touch His robe, and feel His nail-pierced hands, I am left here with the knowledge that "feeling" doesn't always happen outwardly, no matter my longing.

I can't help it. As a human, I am somewhat constrained to the material world. I hear, see, and touch on a daily basis, whether I'm fully aware of the acts or not. And I am realizing more every day that the senses mean something -mean a lot. 

So, within this physical world I live in, I can't help but long for Jesus as a human. I cannot wait for the moment when the five senses are no longer constraints on my relationship with God. When I get to touch Jesus' human body myself. When I get to see with my own eyes the face of the One I was created in the image of. When I get to hear the words already hidden in my heart spoken by the One who said them in the first place.

It'll happen one day. One day soon. Until then, I'm glad to know that long-distance relationships don't have to be distant ones. 

Because I Want to Be A Secret Connoisseur Too

"Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of 'last looks'. You know the way people look at you when they believe it's for the last time? I've started collecting these looks."
 - Drew Baylor (aka Orlando Bloom) in "Elizabethtown"

(Love this movie! Here's a pic from my favorite scene.)

This quote came to mind today. Maybe only because in a moment of boredom, while riding a bus, I decided it was about time for me to watch that movie again. But also, it came to mind because I've seen these 'last looks' a lot recently -at graduation from Taylor, in Slovenia this summer, and even today when saying goodbye to close friends not knowing exactly how long we were saying goodbye for. My life, much like Drew's, could be summed up by the many last looks I've given and received throughout the years. 


But looks like that can kill. Last looks rip a piece of your heart out, never to give it back. They are sharp, scary glances that last a little too long, or maybe don't last long enough. 


And as I sat on the bus thinking through all of these last looks I've collected over time, I realized something -I don't want to be a secret connoisseur of last looks. Instead, I want to collect 'first looks'.  


Because unlike last looks, first looks are hopeful. Instead of causing pain, they glimmer with potential. Like when a perfect stranger takes notice of you for the first time and you see, as your eyes meet theirs, that there is possibility there. Or when you wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, and see the first human you make contact with that day and you know, even through the drowsy eyes and yawns, that this person loves you. And definitely when you say hello in person to a well-known friend for the first time in months and see that excitement that isn't there in a mere email or skype chat. 


So, I've made up my mind. I could be a secret connoisseur of last looks like Drew. But first looks are more worthy of a collection.