My 2010 Was...

~ Playing Quelf and laughing harder than ever until 3 in the morning to begin the new year
~ J-Term roadtrips, hair dying, and some learning too with 1WO and my sis
~ An ongoing Fluxx tournament (best card game ever!) with Hannah
~ A playlist of B.o.B, Joshua Radin, Broken Bells, IYAZ, He is We, The Civil Wars, and Taylor Swift
~ Midnight chats with God in the prayer chapel, walks around the loop, and dreams of the future
~ A week in paradise with the family, wishing I had the life of a surfer
~ Listening to awesome sermons at Exit and wanting to take that church with me back to Illinois
~ Exploring more of the passions and gifts I've been given
~ Watching Grayson Chance, Ellen, and auto-tuned videos on YouTube
~ Being intentional about friendships, building them up before leaving school
~ Birthday dinners, forming nicknames, suffering in French, movie nights, Grille meals, bike rides, Walmart runs, hallway discos, "studying" in Upland
~ Graduating from Taylor with a BA in writing and a minor in psych
~ Turning 22 -no question I'm an adult now!
~ sLOVEnia - teaching English, building relationships, and seeing the Holy Spirit work
~ Obsessing over Lost's final season, Chuck, and a bit of Heartland
~ Getting good at the application process
~ Seeing Canada's parliament buildings in person finally
~ Eating my first lobster meal ever
~ Discovering pomegranates and loving them (weird, alien fruit)
~ Waiting, waiting, and more waiting 
~ Buying my first pair of skinny jeans
~ Babysitting as much as possible
~ Dealing with long-distances through many visits, phone conversations, skype calls, facebook chats, and the occasional sent package
~ Reading My Generation by Josh Riebock, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, and a bunch of books by Henri Nouwen
~ Checking my blog's stats way too often
~ Getting a Wii for Christmas :)
~ Celebrating the holidays with family in Canada
~ Toasting in the next year with my sister, Anderson Cooper, and Pink's "Raise Your Glass" song

My 2011 is... yet to be determined. 

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been thinking about the magic of Christmas this year. I'm sure many people write you regarding this very topic all the time, but please take off your boots, grab some of your wife's famous hot chocolate, and bear with me for a few minutes, because I've come to a realization.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but Christmas is not about the North Pole's holiday cheer and fantasies. Being as wise a guy as I know you are, you've probably known this for quite some time. I guess it's me who took a little longer to figure out the real magic of Christmas.

You see, I was never a kid who really believed in you. Sure, I would pretend every once in a while, but I always knew deep down that it was all just that -pretend. And since growing older, I've felt that Christmas has lost it's magic altogether. It comes and goes; a day with a lot more build-up than seems necessary and not much of a climax (much like high school prom). I don't mean to sound like the Grinch, but that's how I've felt.

This year, however, I'm determined to remember what I've really known all along -though Christmas is not about elves, flying reindeer, or even jolly old you, that doesn't mean it's not magical.

Peace on earth may sound like a stretch in our society, but Christmas is still about miracles. All because one ordinary day long ago, something extra-ordinary happened: God came to earth as a baby. The star shone, the angels sang, and the best gift ever was given to an undeserving, but very needy, world. That gift was given to me.

So, thank you Santa, for keeping magic alive. Though you are far from the reason for the season, you do help put the wonder and awe into Christmas -feelings that really do deserve to be there.

Merry Christmas,
Amy 

Erase the Grey

I decided to sit down and write a song today because sometimes I wish I was a musician. Don't ask me to sing this to you, but here's what came out :)

Verse One
Life is full of color
That's what they say
But some weeks I
Can't see more than grey
Black and white
Has taken the place
Of anything extraordinary

Pre-chorus
I'm dying inside
Surrounded by the rain
Don't know if I'll ever
See clearly again

Chorus
I'm longing for someone
To take away this ache
I'm looking for a way
To break through this pain
I'm hoping, I'm praying
There's a reason for this day
And that's when You
Erase the grey

Verse Two
Clouds come and go
They never stay
When I've got You
Blowing them away
My heart is whole
The world is okay
Back to extraordinary

Long-Distance Jesus

At times, my relationship with God feels a lot like a long-distance one. Not in a way that makes me bitter; God is still very much a part of my everyday life. Though I can't see Him, we are close. In fact, in some ways I feel that makes our bond even closer.

But there are days, like this one, when I wish I had Jesus here in the flesh.

Days when I find myself jealous of the disciples and Biblical figures in the Gospels. While they got to hear Jesus' audible voice, I have to read His words on the pages of a book. While they got to look into His loving eyes that see their hearts, I understand the image without the physicality. And maybe most importantly, while they were able to literally hug Him, touch His robe, and feel His nail-pierced hands, I am left here with the knowledge that "feeling" doesn't always happen outwardly, no matter my longing.

I can't help it. As a human, I am somewhat constrained to the material world. I hear, see, and touch on a daily basis, whether I'm fully aware of the acts or not. And I am realizing more every day that the senses mean something -mean a lot. 

So, within this physical world I live in, I can't help but long for Jesus as a human. I cannot wait for the moment when the five senses are no longer constraints on my relationship with God. When I get to touch Jesus' human body myself. When I get to see with my own eyes the face of the One I was created in the image of. When I get to hear the words already hidden in my heart spoken by the One who said them in the first place.

It'll happen one day. One day soon. Until then, I'm glad to know that long-distance relationships don't have to be distant ones. 

Because I Want to Be A Secret Connoisseur Too

"Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of 'last looks'. You know the way people look at you when they believe it's for the last time? I've started collecting these looks."
 - Drew Baylor (aka Orlando Bloom) in "Elizabethtown"

(Love this movie! Here's a pic from my favorite scene.)

This quote came to mind today. Maybe only because in a moment of boredom, while riding a bus, I decided it was about time for me to watch that movie again. But also, it came to mind because I've seen these 'last looks' a lot recently -at graduation from Taylor, in Slovenia this summer, and even today when saying goodbye to close friends not knowing exactly how long we were saying goodbye for. My life, much like Drew's, could be summed up by the many last looks I've given and received throughout the years. 


But looks like that can kill. Last looks rip a piece of your heart out, never to give it back. They are sharp, scary glances that last a little too long, or maybe don't last long enough. 


And as I sat on the bus thinking through all of these last looks I've collected over time, I realized something -I don't want to be a secret connoisseur of last looks. Instead, I want to collect 'first looks'.  


Because unlike last looks, first looks are hopeful. Instead of causing pain, they glimmer with potential. Like when a perfect stranger takes notice of you for the first time and you see, as your eyes meet theirs, that there is possibility there. Or when you wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, and see the first human you make contact with that day and you know, even through the drowsy eyes and yawns, that this person loves you. And definitely when you say hello in person to a well-known friend for the first time in months and see that excitement that isn't there in a mere email or skype chat. 


So, I've made up my mind. I could be a secret connoisseur of last looks like Drew. But first looks are more worthy of a collection.

This is Not a Thanksgiving List

Thankfulness is a funny thing. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. And that may be true at times. But other times, it is overwhelming to think about all that you do have.

I know when I think about what I have, I have a lot.

More than I need. More than I even want at times. More than I can add to a list to stick on a blog post to tell you what I'm most grateful for (though I thought of doing exactly that). Let's face it, a list wouldn't cut it.

Because I have a life most people dream of having. I'm fed, clothed, sheltered, provided for. But more than that, I'm encouraged, challenged, motivated, comforted, and loved day in and day out. And I have the Creator of the Universe willing and wanting to bless me. Me (of all people)!

So, I don't have a cute, little list for you today in honor of Thanksgiving. Instead, I have a short piece of rambling and a whole lot of awe for the One who thought to give me the things I wouldn't even consider ever putting on a list.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Hope you are overwhelmed with blessings today.

A Story On Hope

Her mind burned as much as her feet as she took step after painful step. The young traveler had all but given up any thought that her once upon a time could come to a happily ever after. Yet she continued walking. Because that's all she knew to do. Because everyone expected at least that much of her and she didn't want to let them down; she didn't want to let herself down.

But it was dark -this road she followed.

Morning was far out of reach. And she wasn't even sure if she remembered what it felt like. Long gone was the fresh air of a new day; the birds' songs and the sun's rays. All she had now was the cold of night and her desperate thoughts that burned, but did not warm her.

Her bag, slung over her right shoulder, was heavy -full of useless boulders she was constantly throwing from her pack. It took all of her strength not to fall over.

"Help me!" she yelled out when at last she stopped to gain her breath. She was shaking now and tears had formed in her eyes. "Help me," she repeated in a whisper this time. Not sure if anyone could hear her, or if she even wanted someone to.

The traveler stood there, silently, for some time -lost in her fear and brokeness.

But then something changed.

She lifted her head slightly, wiped her tears, picked up her feet, and began to move again. Slowly, onward. And as she looked toward the horizon, she could just make out the sun beginning to rise in the distance. The birds would be chirping soon enough. She could breathe again. And she knew, with all her heart, that day was coming.

Travel Tip #86 - Storms

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.” 

- G.K. Chesterton

(I'm obviously not a drawing master. But hey, I tried!)

I don't really understand the people who actually, truly enjoy rainy days. Sure, cloudy days maybe, if you happen to be in England or something and have an umbrella handy. But not rain and especially not storms! I don't think I'd mind if I never had to get caught in the rain again. No more sloshing through puddles in the wrong shoes. No more shaking my fist at the sky in anger. And no more pretending I can control the weather with my mind. (AND no more failing to control the weather with my mind.) It would be glorious. 

However, life happens and sadly, storms come with the package. 

But like Chesterton says, without rain there wouldn't be any rainbows. Storms in life are rough. It's easy to get your feet swept out from under you by high winds you didn't see coming or step in a problem puddle deeper than you expected. Without the storms, though, there'd be less smiles when the sun shines. There wouldn't be a reason to cling so tightly to hope or God's promises. Rainbows would no longer need to exist and we'd miss out on their beauty. 

Besides, standing in the rain won't kill you -it'll only make you wet.  

Life in the Corridor

Life right now is like an endless corridor.
On either side of me, as I walk down it,
There are rows of doors, doors, and more doors.
I grab a door knob, turn, and find that the door is locked.
I try another,
And it opens.
So I walk through only to find another door.
I open that one and find one more door.
I continue opening doors until I open one to find
A big, daunting door that's clearly locked.
Tightly chained.
Bolted shut.
No key to be found.
With a sign that says something like,
"Turn around" or "Not this one -nice try though!"
So I find myself back at the corridor
Trying more doors,
No end in sight.
But I know that there
Must be light
At the end of the corridor,
Though I can't always see it.
And I hold onto this hope:
That someday,
Somehow,
I will open one of those doors
And find what I've been waiting for.
And that will make it all
Worth the effort.

Dear Reality

Hey Reality,

I just wanted to drop you a note to tell you that you've surprised me recently. I don't know why, because I knew you and I were going to be hanging out a lot this year... I just pictured things differently. For one thing, I thought you would be nicer. Don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes it feels like you're more of a stalker than a friend of mine. You know I don't mind irony and sarcasm every once in a while and I appreciate your honesty and criticism. But do you have to be so brutal? I'm trying here! Can't you see that?

I guess I just hoped you'd give me the benefit of the doubt. That you'd provide me with some tips on how to get a great job. Or that you'd introduce me to some good friends in the area. I know things take time and I'm willing to work at it, but you have to hold up your part of our relationship. I do want to be friends. You're humbling, you're challenging, you're adventurous, and I like that. Honestly.

I want to make this work. Just go easy on me, okay?

I'm still learning...

Amy

10 Places That Mean Something

Okay, so I've done the whole listing off art/entertainment that means something to me, but I've never written a list of places that mean something to me. Since I do have some experience in this area and love to travel whenever I can, I say it's about time. In no particular order, here's the list.

~ The Lower Camera Reading Room in the Bodleian Library; Oxford, England With over 11 million printed items spread throughout nearly 40 different libraries around the area, I was in book lover heaven when I had access to this place for a month. Studying was no problem, though with so much to explore it was quite overwhelming. Sitting by the decorated windows, taking in the smells and sounds of European knowledge was amazing! Being there with new-found friends made it even better.

~ Road between Focus on the Family and MTI; Colorado Springs, Colorado When I first got to the Springs last summer to intern for a month, I was nervous about driving. By the time it was over, the thing I was going to miss most was my morning drive along the curvy mountain roads of this gorgeous state. With the Weepies to keep me company and the ever-changing sky to amaze me, this place was in my thoughts long after I left it.

~ Schloss Heroldeck; Millstatt, Austria A castle built in the early 1900s complete with a tower and gorgeous view of Lake Millstatt. Fill the place with Slovene teenagers and it's by far the coolest place ever for JV English Camps. And I absolutely adore the sparkling green, blue, and purple shingles on its rooftop.

~ First West Olson at Taylor University; Upland, Indiana The saying is true, First West is best (not that I'm at all biassed)! But honestly, 30-40 college girls sharing life with each other is always cool to see. The late night dance parties, the discussions in the hallway, and the nickname shouting from across the wing all served as a fun reminder to me that life is better when you've got company.

~ Josiah Venture's Main Training Center; Malenovice, Czech Republic I've seen this place and JV go through a lot of changes in the past 13 years, but through it all one thing has stayed exactly the same -time with JV always feels like time with family. And that makes Malenovice a home away from home. From having Jacob's hat party, to watching Miss Congeniality in a closet-sized room, to many games of Star Wars mafia, to worshipping God alongside so many people I love, this place holds great memories.

~ Kidsbooks Bookstore; Vancouver, British Columbia I love visiting my relatives in BC and have to agree with my parents when they say if they could live anywhere in Canada they'd want to live there. Vancouver has everything, including beautiful beaches, mountains, and this specialty shop. It's the best children's bookstore I've ever been to and it keeps that Kathleen Kelly dream of owning my own bookstore someday alive.

~ Clapping Circle at Jefferson Pointe; Fort Wayne, Indiana This secret place, sadly no longer there because of a stupid potted tree, was a favorite spot my Freshman year of college. To me it symbolizes the spontaneity and fun of a lot of firsts in life on my own. If you were there, you understand, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you missed out.

~ Schoolhouse; Kakolo Village, Zambia Okay, so I've never actually been here, but I feel like I have been. Going to high school at Wheaton Academy taught me a lot that I'll never forget. Maybe the biggest  lesson I learned though is how the least in life should be a part of my daily life as a Christian. The Zambia Project, raising money for this village, showed me the power of giving, compassion, and a life of love. Learning to live sacrificially for the sake of others less fortunate than ourselves and changing the world because of it is a lesson I hope I always remember. And who knows? Maybe someday I'll get to visit in person.

~ Ho'okipa Beach; Maui, Hawaii In my ideal other life, I would totally be a surfer here. I'd drive a yellow jeep, own 15 different swim suits, and hang out with the local beach bums. Yeah, forget dreams of being a celebrity, I would be completely happy living in the sun, sand, and surf of this place. They don't call it paradise for nothing!

~ My House; Carol Stream, Illinois Not everyone is blessed enough to be able to say, "There's no place like home" and actually mean it. However, I am. Through babysitting quite a bit recently I've gotten to see some other family's homes in the area and I am quite certain that mine should be everyone's favorite. The calming colors of the walls, the comfy couches, and of course my mom's hospitality and my dad's jokes make the place great. If you don't believe me, come visit!

And there you have it! What places are on your list?

How I'm Like A Horse

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a country girl. I prefer big cities and haven't ever spent much time on a farm. And if you happened to be in my beginning horsemanship class last year at Taylor when Shammy got spooked, you also know that I have personal reasons to dislike horses. Nevertheless, I have recently found myself enjoying the Canadian hit TV show, Heartland. For those of you who have never heard of it, it's a modern family drama about a teenage horse whisperer (named Amy) and her life on a ranch in Alberta. Though I mostly like it for character development purposes, I have to admit it has also piqued my interest in rodeos and the different events that take place at them.

One such event is the colt taming competition.

Basically, each competitor is given a wild colt and has a certain amount of time in a ring to tame it. They are given points for being able to saddle the horse, ride it, lead it over obstacles, etc.

When Amy attempts to tame a horse (which happens a lot in the show), she does so by making the horse run around a ring for as long as it takes before the horse decides to "join up" with her in the middle of the cirlce. Sometimes the horses are pretty stubborn and won't meet her for a while. Instead, they run around in circles, bitter that someone else wants control. Other times the horses will allow Amy to touch them, will meet her eye and sometimes even let her put a saddle on their back, but they throw her off and fight her if she gets too close or dares to try riding because of fear and distrust. It takes a lot of patience and compassion from Amy, but it is clearly a victory when she finally gets a horse to join up and partner with her.

This process fascinates me and I wasn't really sure why until the other night when I opened my Bible to Psalm 32:8-9 and read, "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'" 

Though I'm not considered a "farm girl" in any sense of the term, my recent interest in Heartland, paired with these verses, made me realize that most of the time I am that senseless horse. Amy taming those stubborn, scared animals is a lot like what God wants to do for us. He calls us to "join up" with Him in the middle of the ring. He calls us to a partnership of trust and love where He'll guide us along the best pathway of life... if we let Him. My problem, like the untamed horses, is that I don't always want to give up my control. I want to go the way I want to go -do the things I want to do. And I don't fully believe that anyone could know better than I do how my life should be.

Trusting is difficult, but just as the verse says the alternative is senseless. If you aren't the horse joining up with the Master in the center of the ring, living for the exact purposes you were created for in a harmonious partnership with one who knows better than you, then you're the horse running around the circle, wasting your energy on a life that will get you nowhere, while the kind Master waits patiently for you to come back to Him.

When Following Means Staying

"Where You go, I'll go

Where You stay, I'll stay

When You move, I'll move

I will follow." - Chris Tomlin

Chris Tomlin's latest hit, "I Will Follow" has been in my head for the past few weeks for a lot of reasons.  Besides being played on the radio constantly, the theme stands out as one I know well. As a missionary kid, it just makes sense that I would resonate with the idea of going where Christ goes. After all, my family did move across the world twice for the sake of following God. I'm confident I've seen Him move in the past and that He's called and invited me into a life of stepping out in faith with Him and going wherever He wants me to. But these days, those aren't the lines in this song that really speak to me. Instead, it's the second line above that has gotten me thinking. 

Where You stay, I'll stay.

It's one thing to be the person always leaving -to say goodbye to people and places on your path because you're changing directions. I guess moving is what I'm good at. At an early age I was bit by the travel bug and the effects have been with me ever since. I like the adventure of the unknown road to newer and better things. I want to be called to action and enjoy it when I am.

The part I'm not so used to is staying put.

I've realized recently that it's ten times harder to be content and patient while staying still. Goodbyes are harder when everything has stayed the same, but you're missing someone. I'll just be honest, it's hard not to be the one taking off for a foreign country, a different mission field, or at least a new grad school campus (especially, in this economy). I'd rather be way too busy, than bored like I am here at home. I'd rather be learning in a new place, than admit I might have more to learn here where I'm comfortable. And I'd definitely rather have God tell me something specific to do, than have to be waiting around for His answers to my questions. 

But Chris Tomlin's song has reminded me that my commitment to following Christ means that sometimes I'll be staying where He stays, instead of going anywhere. And you know what? I'm beginning to be okay with that.

On Success

What is success really? How do you define this daunting word? The world says one thing; one thing we all know well, that we hear day after day.

"It's all about the money. The status. The power. It is all about giving them exactly what they want." 

But who is this "them" who wants these things? And what if what you want isn't what "them" wants? And what about God? What about His wants? 

If you tune out what the world says and listen more to what He says where does that leave you? If you're really, truly honest with yourself what do you think success means? What does it look like? Like money, status, and power? Or something else? What is success really? 

And what would you have to do to gain it? 

The Many "Me"s That Make Up My Life - Part 2

As seen below, there are many different "me"s that make up who I am. When combined you get a full picture, but otherwise you only understand a part. Lately I've been learning that we like things too separate.

Think about it for a minute. If you're like my brother, you like different types of food to be on separate plates so that they don't have to touch each other before making their way to your mouth. If you're like my sister, you'd rather not have different groups of friends over to your house for the same party, because that could get awkward. And if you're like me, you want separate sticky notes for different categories of your scribbles, even if there's room for everything on one. 

See? We like things separate. 

It's easier that way. Not too messy. Simple. 

But somehow I think that's dangerous. Don't get me wrong, being organized is a good thing! However, keeping things too separate, especially when it comes to pieces of your actual life, can be lonely. It's like making someone read a random section of your favorite book without giving them any context. That's frustrating, and to be honest, there are already too many people who will only understand one part of you anyway. 

Allow me to invite you into my room right now. I'm sitting here alone in my empty house. I'm clearly the home me on the surface. To someone looking in at the moment, I know I give a very different impression than the me inside my own head. However, take a step into my mind for a minute and you'll see that besides thinking about this blog post, I'm thinking of the many job applications I've filled out this week and the many more left to be finished (work me), I'm thinking about my visit to Taylor coming up soon and all of my friends there without me (academic me), and I'm definitely thinking about the many Slovenes I met this summer who are still moving forward towards Christ (travel me). And even though I can hide those "me"s to the outside world and look like merely home me, I can never truly separate things inside my head or heart. There, I'm always just me.   

But God didn't create us to be ourselves alone, inside our souls only to be understood by Him or ourselves. Instead, He gives us opportunities to be open with those around us and make friends who are able to see more than one of the pieces that make up who we are. True, some friends will only ever really see or understand one part of us, and that's okay. However, those who see, understand, and relate to more than one "me" are the ones you really want to keep around.

Because some things need to be separate (like doodles versus lists on sticky notes). But others are better understood when all together. 

The Many "Me"s That Make Up My Life - Part 1

My life at any given moment is a series of sections; small pieces of me that make up what I do, what I think, and essentially who I am. 

There is home me who is an older sister and daughter. The one whose room is in the basement, who always has a book in her hand, and who is known to spit soup out of her mouth from laughing too hard at the dinner table on occasion. This me is independent, a little stir crazy, and either too relaxed or just bored most of the time. The one who is uncomfortably comfortable with being selfish. She struggles to be content, but is also super grateful for the security, warmth, and consistency of home. 

There’s academic me. The one who knows what’s expected and is capable of pulling her weight. She likes studying, though she may complain, because she’s an idea person who likes hearing new things, thinking them through, and discussing them with peers. This me is responsible for the most part, but is smart enough to pair hard work with lots of fun. Not normally too stressed out, she enjoys the craziness of an ever changing dorm and plenty of friends. This is the me who is social, likes to write, and stays up way too late. She tries not to get overly obsessed with grades or competition and most of the time succeeds.

Then there is work me. Not super experienced, but a fast learner and consistent. This me tries hard to fit in and act professional, but feels like she’s playing a little girl’s pretend game of “Real World.” She is known as detail oriented and thorough, quiet but pleasant, and is always willing to do what’s asked of her. This me sometimes knows exactly what she wants and how to get it and at other times has no clue what she’s doing.  She has to push herself to take initiative, but she’s usually up to the challenge. And though she likes working by herself, she is also more than willing to be a team player. Reading people well, getting along with them, and being easy going but organized makes people notice….sometimes.

And of course there’s travel me. Maybe the most content of them all, this me breathes easy, trusts a map, but enjoys adventure. She is the experienced one, the missionary kid with a fresh perspective on life and a smile on her face. This me absolutely hates when ignorant people joke about different races and nationalities, she is proud to be Canadian, and thinks that newspapers are too biased to give an accurate picture of what goes on in the world. She keeps track of license plates from different states on road trips, feels at home when on the move, and loves learning about different cultures. She’s been to a lot of places and can picture herself in many more. And somehow people on the other side of the world have captured her heart.

These are only some of the many “me”s that make up my life at this moment. What do your “me”s look like? More to come on this soon.

Dear Europe

Dearest Europe,

I have something to confess. I don't say this lightly, but I'm kind of hopelessly in love with you. Every time I get to visit my heart leaps and every time I'm forced to say goodbye I miss you even more than the last time. I've only been gone from you for a month now, but it feels like so much longer.

I absolutely love the way you greet me with roses and chocolate on occasion, the fresh bread you make me in the mornings, and of course the gelato in the afternoons. Thank you for welcoming me into a life of laid-back adventure. The cobblestone roads you lead me down and the views of church spires and country-sides you have shown me over the years have stayed with me. No matter how hard I try I cannot forget the history lessons you've taught me -the art and culture. I appreciate the steady way you change while still remembering your past. Your faithful and welcoming heart is appreciated.

And more than anything else, you feel like home.
Thanks for that.

Amy

A Story on Heroes

Once upon a time there was a girl who thought she could change the world. This girl was everything a normal girl should be; she was smart, pretty, and sensitive. She grew up loving life and loving people, hoping that some day she would have the chance to be a hero.

More than anything else she wanted to save people.

Everywhere she looked people were starving when others had food. They were cold when others were comfortable. They were hurting when others were happy. The girl looked around and could not understand this. Why isn't someone doing something? she asked herself.

As she grew older, the girl continued to ask this. She hoped and wished that someone would step up and make a difference. Then she realized that she herself could. So, when she passed a beggar on the street in her city, she talked to him. She took time to learn his name, providing him with a blanket in the winter and handing him sandwiches when she knew he was hungry.

But the girl felt bad because she couldn't feed every starving person. She cried herself to sleep at night because she was comfortable when others were cold. All she wanted was for people to be genuinely happy! But all she could do was help this one man.

She doubted it would make a real difference. Yet, throughout the years she continued to serve him.

And one day, he began to ask a similar question to the girl's. The beggar wondered why if one little girl could change his life forever, others were not doing the same. Why am I not doing the same? he thought. Soon he knew what he had to do. He could help one other person and, in turn, they could help one more. The girl had taught him that.

Before the girl knew it, she had become a hero.

Graduation

I can't believe I've graduated! Congrats class of 2010! We did it :)

What I've Learned at Taylor

- College students really are a lot like babies. They sleep and eat at irregular times and have little responsibility.

- God is in the details. He goes before us and behind us. 

- Spontaneity doesn't have to be an enemy... in fact, it almost always gets along with fun and always tells good stories.

- Whatever you do, don't be tempted to test the DairyQueen ads. Blizzards aren't that thick.

- Discipleship is all about intentionality.

- Confrontations, though sometimes difficult, are worth the effort at times. 

- A leader can't lead until he knows where he's going. (I've written on this here.)

- People have interesting stories. You only have to ask the right questions and be willing to listen.

- Dr. H predicted the iPod before Dell invented it :)

- Pretzels + chocolate + peanut butter + ice cream = Ivanhoe's greatest idea

- One Tree Hill is artsy -I don't care what anyone else says!

- When in an argument with your spouse, just take off your clothes (Thank you Dr. Smith for that bit of wisdom!)

- DTRs should always take place while outside walking (bonus points if you're actually on the Loop).

- When falling off a horse, it may feel like you're moving in slow motion but you still won't be able to do anything to fix the situation until you hit the ground.

- Oxford is one of my favorite places on earth.

- God is in the middle of writing a better story than I could ever write myself.

- Making up songs, actions, and rhymes seriously helps with studying for tests -the stupider, the better!

- You can relate to just about anyone, all you have to do is be willing to talk to them enough to find common ground.

- Open houses are useless unless food is involved.

- Root beer can be just as much fun as real beer, without the next day hangover.

- Home is so much more appreciated after you've spent a significant time away from it.

- We live in phases -my entire college career can be classified into different tv shows, songs, and books my roommate and I have been obsessed with.

- Read alouds are still fun when you're grown up.

- Sometimes good discussions are more rejuvenating than sleep.

- God's plans are worth the sacrifice of leaving things behind. They're also worth the sacrifice of being left behind.

- Encouragement goes a long way. Using people's names, giving complements, or even just saying hi makes a difference.

- Figuring out your priorities is important, but consistently checking in to see how they are doing is even more important.

- Smash your idols, and when you look up and realize you've made more, smash them again.

- When change hits, people cope in many different ways and can go through stages all in the same day. If you're distant enough to have perspective, the psychology behind behavior in the midst of loss is really interesting!
- I am comfortable in the "new here" label. In fact, I think I might even like it.
- However, long-term investments are always worth working at.
- Four years of college go by way too quickly! Enjoy your days!
- You go to college for the education, but the people are what you'll remember.

...College has made me smarter!

On Saying Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. It’s awkward and difficult to let go of something you love. But it is human. Everyday people say hello, but they are also forced to say goodbye. They loosen their grasp on the one thing they wanted to hold onto forever and then they slowly release it for good. Sometimes getting it back later, other times not so lucky. Through tears and pain, they utter farewells, all the while wishing there was some way around it. 

Standing at one’s doorstep staring at the dust that is left behind when a car rolls out of sight is never where one wants to be. Yet day after day we find ourselves in that exact spot. Standing and staring, because there is nothing else we could possibly do. Because there is a certain humanness to sacrifice, to leaving and to staying, to giving up. 

But letting go, and saying goodbye, isn’t always a bad thing. Goodbyes mean progress. They bring growth and new challenges. They lead people down roads they may not travel otherwise. Roads to better places, to bigger opportunities, and to more sad goodbyes. 

But goodbyes also bring us to more hellos.    

Dear Sam

Dear Sam Gamgee,          

            I’ve always been a fan of little people (I, myself am short). However, you are by far my favorite hobbit.

            Word of your journey reached me through our friend Tolkien and the exciting tale is one I cannot forget. I admire the fact that what you lack in size, you make up for in loyalty and courage. Staying by Frodo’s side when he needed you the most was admirable and I assure you that both he and I are grateful for your friendship.

            I only wish that I could come visit you myself. I would love to hear your side of the unexpected adventure, especially the part about seeing fairies. I always knew your dream would one day come true! However, Bywater is much too far for my feet to take me at this point in time. Thus, the best I can do is write you this letter.

            Give my blessings to Rose and little Elanor, and stay healthy and happy yourself.

From one traveler to another,

-Amy

Ocean Blues

If I could drink the ocean
And paint the whole world blue
Swimming every day away
I'd still miss you

If I could sail the globe
And always feel free
Floating past my worries
I wouldn't be happy

All the water on the planet
Would never be enough
To drown my hope of being
Just the two of us

So if I could drink the ocean
And paint the whole world blue
I would still be nothing
If I didn't have you

Spring Break 2010

Paradise is out there...

"Rejoice that your names are written in heaven." - Luke 10:20

Materialism

In Zambia,
I looked
And saw
Bloated bellies,
Nakedness,
Empty eyes,
And hollowed hearts
-A lack of
Something.

In America,
I looked
And saw
Broadened bellies,
Promiscuity,
Envious eyes,
And heavy hearts
-Too much of
That same Something.

Dear Change

Dear Change,

I know that I haven't always been very nice to you. There are days when you annoy me more than anything else -days when I don't want you in my life and can't even stand the thought of you. But that's selfish of me and I realize that. I'm sorry.

Looking back on things, I see that even when I have refused to be a good friend, you've been faithful. The truth is, you have been a loyal companion throughout my life, offering me adventure and fun when I gave you nothing. You've also given me plenty of opportunities to grow and learn. Because of you, I am more open to new things, more flexible and humble, and more aware of different perspectives. Overall, I appreciate you more than you could know.

I am confident that you are going to play a vital role in my future. Just as you have been in the past, you will be by my side after graduation. And you will continue to lead me down roads I've yet to travel. Roads I can't wait to travel! I'm excited and thankful that you're a part of my life. So, bring on the next great adventure!

Your friend,
Amy

I Am Fully Convinced...

I am fully convinced that life is all about relationships. Life is making a stranger’s day by simply offering a smile. It is sitting beside a mother and her crying baby on an airplane and helping an old lady with her grocery bag on the way home from school. It’s waving to neighbors, talking to someone new at work, and watching two kids play in the park.

Life is all about relationships and what you choose to do with them. It’s lying on a bed beside your best friend, chatting until you lose track of time and not caring about sleep. It is swinging next to someone, feeling the air beneath your feet as you both float through the days. It is the people you laugh the hardest with and the ones you allow to see your deepest pain.

Life is all about relationships, what you choose to do with them, and how they shape you. It is being a witness to the change inside others, noticing the little things that make them unique. It is being willing to take chances, say hard things, and be present in good times and bad. And it is always working at being better. 

Overwhelmed

I admit it -I am overwhelmed right now.

Overwhelmed for many reasons. 

Because of the desire to turn back time and the knowledge that the Timeless One had control even in old memories. 

Because of the struggle I have to be motivated and initiate relationships and the opportunities I've had recently to really be engaged in the lives of those around me, enjoying deep discussions full of authenticity. 

Because of the stress that comes with class after class and the peace I have through the One who makes me lie down in green pastures.  

Because of the unknowns of the future that continues to grow near and the hope of the promise that my future has already been planned out.

Because of the longing to stay where I am at right now and the gratefulness that I've been here even this long. 

A Story on Letting Go

There once lived a man. His name was Tom. He was a good man; gentle and kind-hearted. And he was a romantic, with only one true love in life -a rose, tall and beautiful. Tom kept the rose under glass, making sure she was always cared for and protected. He would wake up every morning to see her standing on his dresser, and, smiling, he would say to her, "My dear flower, you are more beautiful today than the last time I looked at you!" The rose would bow as if to thank him, and he would take her outside to give her sunlight. He would bring her water when she was thirsty and give her shade when it was too hot. For years this went on, and Tom was genuinely happy.

Until one day, the sun became too hot and the water in the land dried up. It didn't rain for weeks on end. Though Tom did what he could, saving what little water he had for his rose, it wasn't enough for long. The rose soon lost the red that once pulsed through her petals, her stem's thorns that used to make her beauty even more apparent now seemed harsh, and the softness of her shape became horribly stiff. The life in her was gone forever.

But Tom paid no attention. For many more years he kept her on his dresser, greeting her every morning and kissing her goodnight when the moon came out. He continued to offer her water, even though she did not drink. But no matter how much he ignored the signs, deep down Tom knew what was clear to everyone -the rose, his rose, was lifeless.

Thirty years went by and Tom grew old until he, too, gave up on life. He was found in his home, tucked under the covers of his warm little bed. In his hand he still tightly grasped one thing -a rose, dead and gone.

The Potential for Greatness

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Les Brown

All around me I see the potential for greatness. Friends and family members surround me with the pleasure of knowing the power of that. I watch as they dream big, work hard, and succeed at giving me hope. They are like rockets just waiting to go off. Aimed for the moon.

Everyday I look around me and see their imperfect attempts at perfection. Yet they surprise me. When I least expect it, another rocket reaches the target. Another person uses his or her gifts in just the right way. A way that makes an uncontrollable smile arrive on my lips and linger there.

I know that they just as easily fail. That being a part of the better story takes time and effort. But there is the potential for greatness. It is inside the people who live their lives next to mine. And it is inside me. The natural desire to do more. To be more. We long for greatness. We crave it, thirst for it. We want to be the underdogs, the Davids and the Rockys, the one-in-a-million men who actually make it to the moon or at least fall among the stars.   

Travel Tip #2 - Locke's Tip

"A leader can't lead until he knows where he's going." - John Locke, season 1, episode 5 of LOST

LOST is a great show on many levels, but this scene with Locke and Jack is one of my all-time favorites. It's at the beginning, when characters are still figuring out who they are going to be, and the audience is wondering. Jack, in this particular episode, is struggling, chasing something, and wrestling with identity issues. He is questioning his strength and leadership capabilities. And it is here where John Locke offers him some great advice -the quote above.

And Locke is right. I've been on many trips, and although it is sometimes fun to freely explore the surroundings, wandering spontaneously without a plan, the best leaders always have a map to come back to. What is a building without structure? A school without some rules? A relationship without guidelines? I am convinced that everything in life is working toward a goal, whether we are aware of it or not. This is true for a good leader. No one's going to follow you, unless you first know where you're going and how to get there. So, take a look at the map.

10 Movies that Mean Something

Over the past few weeks I have had more time on my hands than normal. This, of course, means that I have had the wonderful, relaxing priviledge of sitting for hours in front of the TV. So, it's only fitting that my next list should be about movies. Here are 10 that I have enjoyed, learned from, and replayed throughout the years:

~ (500) Days of Summer: Okay, so this is a new movie, which I've only seen once, but I loved it. The soundtrack, the skipping around of days, the witty dialogue all make this one I want to buy.

~ Elizabethtown: This may just be my ultimate favorite. I saw it for the first time this summer (I have no clue where I was when it really came out!) and watched it for a second time right after. It's kind of long, but so worth the watch. It has the best road trip scenes I have ever come across and there are tons of quotable parts!

~ Paycheck: My favorite action movie. It's easy enough to understand, invites you to figure things out along with the main character, and is not only about blowing things up, though there is that too.

~ The Dust Factory: This one is not as well known as most on this list. Plus, I've tried watching it with some of my friends and none of them understand my interest. I do admit, it's somewhat strange, but includes intriguing thoughts on Heaven and Hell and will definitely spur discussion.

~ Dan in Real Life: The most real romantic comedy I have ever seen. Steve Carell is hilarious in a much more subtle way than we're used to seeing him.

~ The Village: Utopian societies always peak my interest. Enough said...

~ Pride and Prejudice (the 5 hour BBC version): This had to be on the list. I don't think I could be considered a true reader, let alone a girl, if I didn't love this. I've only seen it once, but give me a bit of credit because I saw it in England. It's great how closely it sticks to the book and of course includes the wonderful wit of Darcy and Elizabeth.

~ Pride and Prejudice -A latter day comedy (the mormon version): Thanks to my roommate who has this on her favorites list, now I do too. The story is familiar but with a twist. It is a low budget film, but is high in quality.

~ That Thing You Do: If you haven't seen this, shame on you! It's classic. The music, the cast, the Oneders, the whole thing is a blast from the past, in the good way.

~ Red Eye: Creepy psychological thriller that's almost all talk and not action. I love how even when confined to two seats on an airplane, the dialogue can still completely scare you. The acting is great and the script reveals just how powerful words can be.

What movies are on your list?

Random Travel Tip #1 - Single Steps

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

Let's face it, the first step is always the hardest. I don't know about you, but every day I find myself in the exact same position. Whether it's having the stamina to wake up in the morning, the self-control to pick the healthy food at meal time, or the drive to keep my priorities straight, I am continually fighting to start moving. But I've come to the realization that once moving, it's easy to continue. 

Once I am finally out of bed for the day, I am good to go. In fact, it's normally difficult to get myself back to sleep when the next night arrives. After I pick out a healthy meal, I eat it, enjoy it, and usually feel satisfied enough to do it again. As for keeping my priorities straight, the more time I spend at the prayer chapel, gym, or library, the more time I want to spend in those places. 

I'm guessing the trip to gain knowledge or health isn't the exact scenario Tzu had in mind when he came up with his wise words. But any journey begins with a single step. With the willingness and determination to lift your feet off the front porch and onto the road, anything is possible. You never know when your own steps will take you a thousand miles. And even if you don't get that far, at least you'll be a step closer. 

Oxford

I'm in love with a place
That isn't here
Somewhere far away
Distant and surreal
With pastel buildings
And spires made of dreams
I long with a passion
To be back in this scene
The miles of cobblestone
Layers of fog
The details on gateways
And swans at the pond
The cheese and the chocolate
And thinkers of old
I'm in love with this city
Far away down the road

Mist

On the road you travel

There will sometimes be mist

One minute you can see clearly

The next all certainty is gone

The fog gets thick

And you can no longer see

More than two steps

In front of you

You cautiously follow

What you hope you will find

After the next step

One foot in front of the other

Until it is suddenly clear again